It takes me about 60 seconds to derail.
And sometimes not even that long.
I’ve taken a real notice lately to my orally-fixated response to a crisis. Or even a pseudo-crisis.
It is my immediate knee-jerk reaction, STILL, to eat something, drink something, or smoke something whenever something goes wrong. I don’t act upon it the way I once did, but the thoughts and feelings about medicating my hurt are still there. I’m starting to think they always will be.
Why does it take me so long to admit that I’ve lost motivation?
Pride.
That’s all it is. Freaking pride.
This year I have experienced things I’ve never experienced before, and it’s grown me up in ways I never even knew possible. I know that everyone experiences their own crap, but I’ve really gone through it emotionally this year. It took the loss of my grandmother to teach me how inately selfish I am. By nature. It took the unrequited romantic interest of a great man to teach me that while sex can be a great thing, it’s not the only thing. But unrequited love still hurts. Also, the past 2 months I have gone out with 9 men. I have also been waiting nervously to find out if my insurance company is going to pay for Zion to go to Little Star Center, a school for children with Autism.
These are the reasons I am all over the place emotionally. And have put on 15 pounds in a month.
These are also my excuses for said weight gain.
We all have issues. The trick is learning to deal with them without pouring a substance all over it.
November 5, 2009 at 12:18 pm |
Hang in there, Chica.
I have those reflexes, too. And I’m struggling with them, too.
According to the National Weight Control Registry it takes about 5 years of maintenance before you have a statistically significant fighting chance to keep off the pounds.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2280263
So those reflexes will probably be with us for a while. Good on you for not acting on them!
November 5, 2009 at 5:56 pm |
No matter what, you are an inspiration. You are brave for fessing up and your readers love you for it. This too shall pass…
November 9, 2009 at 8:08 am |
Thanks Diva.
November 7, 2009 at 11:07 am |
Honestly, this is totally why I love reading your blog…because you ARE real. It happens. To all of us. Over the course of the SIX years that it took me to lose my 85 pounds, I plateaued or gained sooooo many times I can’t even tell you. But that’s okay! Because even though you have some small periods of no loss (or gain), you are still heading downward on that scale. You are still losing. I honestly feel that sometimes people who plug away for a year straight and lose every pound with no slip ups or plateaus or gains are in for some trouble when they get to the final goal…because we all have a breaking point. We all need times where we can relax from the strictness of dieting or the constant need to exercise. Instead of losing drastic amounts quickly doing a restrictive kind of diet (that there is no way to stick to for the rest of your life), you are focusing on health while STILL LIVING! I read the blog…I know you are! You are conscious of the decisions you are making and trying to understand the reasons why you make them and work on it. You have such a great motivation to move more and keep your body active with exercise. And I am amazed by how you are instilling those same healthy habits in your children. No joke – I was telling my husband last night about how your daughter joins in with your exercise sometimes and is already making healthy choices with food…and we were discussing how when we are blessed with children, we want to do those same things! You are an inspiration and still doing amazing.
Amy
amybart.wordpress.com
November 9, 2009 at 8:10 am |
How enlightening to discover that so much of this battle has to do so much more with my emotional state than my ability to resist a cheesecake. Thanks for your comments Amy, they really made my day.
November 8, 2009 at 6:46 am |
ok, so. I would like to second what Amy has said.
You can do this, you are doing this and you will be successful. Somedays/weeks or months are just more so than others, as long as in the long run you are dealing with things rather than trying to eat them.
AND. on the exercise front. I have a 4yo daughter and a 2.5yo son and have just bought a dance DVD to do (althought its pretty dodgy and I did have much choice….all suggestions welcome) and the kids LOVE it. we all jump around the family room like a bunch of crazy people for half and hour and have a really lovely time together. I did this because you told us about your experiences.
I also ran a 12km fun run from your inspiration.
Dont underestimate yourself. You’re making waves all the way over here in Australia.
hugs
C
November 9, 2009 at 8:11 am |
Well Carls, that might be the first time I’ve ever cried over a comment to my blog. But then again, I’m a silly wreck right now and you seem to get that. You always have. Thanks for staying in my corner with me. I look at your card hanging over my computer everyday sis. Hugs.