Hip-Hop Abs-olutely Tuesday, Aug 25 2009

I have been unable to run now for 4 weeks.  If you would have told me even a year ago that the day would come that I would be pissed off that I couldn’t get out and run, I’d have laughed in your silly face.

But now I’m having to come up with other forms of exercise to get me through this pesky knee injury interim.

Swimming is fine.  If I have to be in the pool, I actually prefer the aerobic or pilates classes.  I’m not a fan of lap swim, though I’ll do it because I know it’s great for me.

The Precor elliptical is going to be a basic standard for some time to come, because I have one in my home.  Even when I can barely get out of bed, I always seem to be able to pull off the elliptical.

Yoga is something else I enjoy immensely, only because I do it in my own home.  You would never catch me contorting around my rolls in a class.  Nnnnnnnot quite yet.  I also enjoy Yoga because my 6 year old daughter does it with me.

She is a trip, for real.

Last night I told her we were going to do a new dance workout after Zion went to bed, and she ran to her room.  She came out in her workout gear, and dropped to the floor to begin her pre-workout stretching.

I didn’t say anything, but come on now, you know I was beaming inside.

I know many of you have expressed your grand disgust for workout videos.  At times I have not been a fan of them myself.  But this one, I really like.

Hip-Hop Abs with Shawn T.

There are several different routines.  It is high energy, a little silly, and totally fun.  It of course doesn’t hurt that Shawn T is completely hot.  But it is simple, doesn’t require a lot of coordination or knowledge of dance, and I swear to you, it really is fun.

Now onto more humorous matters.  There is a separate bonus class on the DVD for those of us who want to learn to dance so we can go shake it at the club. 

This is what Zoe and I did last night.

Wow.

Shawn T busts out on the dance floor with his 4 back up dancers.  He explains that they are going to do the routine for us, and then teach it to us.

My eyeballs popped out like the Wiley Coyote.  I looked over at Zoe.  Her mouth was dropped open. 

I died laughing.  And so did she.

Oh well, might as well try it.

Zoe and I spent the next 30 minutes flailing about, running into each other, tripping, falling, even laying in a crumpled pile of each other once and just laughing until we cried.

We enjoyed ourselves immensely, and we burned some calories in there somewhere.  So it wasn’t in vain, by any stretch.

But I think Shawn T should change the name of that bonus material to White Girls Can’t Dance.

I can’t wait to invite my girlfriends over for Happy Saturday Margaritas and bust out this video. 

We are going to laugh until we wet ourselves.

 

 

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Yes I said Fish Tacos Thursday, Aug 20 2009

Are people completely uncultured and infantile?

Why is it that everytime I talk about my Fish Taco recipe, people look at me wide-eyed, mouth gaping, and say “Did you say Fish Tacos?”

Um hello.  Yes.  And stop asking me that.

It’s only the best way to eat fish.

Here’s my 5 point lunch.  This beats a tuna fish sandwich anyday…with one fin tied behind it’s back:

3 small corn tortillas
3 oz any white fish, grilled and seasoned
1/4 cup plain lowfat yogurt
1 tsp sauce from a can of chipotle peppers
pico de gallo
shredded cabbage
lime and salt

Add the chipotle sauce to the yogurt and stir well.  Heat the tortillas.  Add 1 oz of fish to each tortilla.  Add pico de gallo and shredded cabbage, and drizzle with yogurt sauce.  Sprinkle with lime and salt.

Might sound crazy, but the mixture of flavors is wonderful.

When I have this for dinner, I add in a cup of black beans on the side, garnished with pico de gallo and some avocado.

This meal is also great with Dos Equis Amber beer, but you didn’t hear that from me.

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A picture is worth 1,000 pounds Monday, Aug 17 2009

I figured out this morning that over the course of my lifetime, I have probably lost and regained well over 1,000 pounds.

And I continue to do so.  And always will.

No one is a perfect, constant weight every single day.

It’s when the journey is one of wellness and not mere vanity that it becomes less about numbers, and more about health.

Inside and out.

This is why I can still be roughly 50-75 pounds overweight and still glow like a sunburnt hippie.

 

I’m not sure which part was more fun:

• -having this photo shoot with my crazy-fun sister
• -creating the Boho-Urban outfits which make my style what it is
• -having the capacity to love myself enough to say “I’m hot!”… even though I look mildly prego in the sideways shot
• -shaking it to “Golddigga” with my sis after the shoot was shot

I have received a barrage of e-mails lately from women who are struggling.  (Surely men struggle too, but the women are the ones who write to me about it.)  I have heard from thin women struggling with thinking they are “too fat,” overweight and obese women struggling with self-image and thinking they are thinner than they actually are, bulemics, anorexics, self-mutilators, bingers…. everyone has a different story, but the one thing every last one of us has in common is this:

We are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too friggin hard on ourselves.

Ladies, we have to learn to lighten up a little.  And I’m not talking about numbers on a scale.

353/251/199

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Jamaican me crazy Saturday, Aug 15 2009

I have wanted to go to Jamaica for a very long time.

But it just isn’t going to be in the budget anytime soon.  (Don’t worry Stin, I don’t hate you at all for going back for the 2nd time in a decade.) 

So I’ve been working on my savings account.  And my tan.  And just overall betterment.  The trip to Jamaica will happen.

It just will.

I think it’s the perfect gift to myself when I get under 200 pounds.  Which by the way, is 7 pounds further away than it was a month ago.  I’ve been enjoying my share of summer treats, and have put on 7 pounds.

That is how quickly it gets away from me.  I don’t gain 1 or 2 pounds on a bender.  I gain 5 or 10. 

But here’s the beauty. 

I’m not letting it rule my life.

I know that I have had waaaaaaaaay too many margaritas with my girlfriends this summer.  And a few too many ice creams with my kiddiepoos.  And too much bread and wine when my girlfriend visited last week.

But the point is, I guess, that sometimes we just eat more, and sometimes we just play more.  I heard Kelly Clarkson say something to this effect, and I thought it was brill. 

I don’t have to be a super dieting machine.  But I do need to strike some more balance.  If I’m going to eat like a champ, I need to work out like a champ.

And the true victory is in catching it when it is just a few pounds instead of 40 or 50.

Balance.

I’m somewhere in the 250’s.  Still 50ish pounds to go.  Still have watch-them-jiggle arms.  And an unrelenting fat apron from 2 c-sections and years of binge eating.  And stretch marks.  And loose skin.

But those things are just scars.  Scars don’t make up the whole person. 

But they can make for some great stories.

As will my trip to Jamaica.  Which will happen.

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Still going…. Thursday, Aug 13 2009

Sometimes I feel like the Energizer Bunny.

I’m still working mad overtime.  My eating has been unhealthy and lame this week, though mostly within WW Points range.  I am a little more rested than I was the last time I blogged.

My kids started school, kindergarten and 1st grade.  They are so happy there, and just love it.  Makes me feel like a great mom, whether or not I have a thing to do with it.

My Friend and I have this great honesty thing going on.  It’s teaching me a lot about me.  And I love having someone so close who is just a big silly mess like me.  Having fun with a person is truly underrated.

Work was a biznatch last night.  The ER was full of ligitimately sick patients, and about half way through the shift we lost one that truly broke my heart.  It’s never a good thing to lose a patient.  But sometimes a patient’s condition can just hit really close to home, and it hurts 10 times more when he or she dies.

I had my little meltdown.  Only this time I cried to myself in the bathroom, instead of in the middle of the crapeteria.

HA!

See?  I have a sense of humor.  Sometimes it just gets buried in my inane, morose behaviors.

The one thing I need to get right is my exercise routine.  I’m bored, my knee hurts, and it sucks.  I am unable to run or bike right now due to the knee, so does anyone have some good suggestions? 

Note:  If you say Pilates, you’re forever stricken from this blog.    Just kidding…..

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Meltdown Friday, Aug 7 2009

Oh boy.

This is embarrassing.

I have about 5 minutes to write this entry, so bear with me.

I have been working mad overtime in the ER.  The hours have been available, and as a single mom, I’ve had to take them.  So I’ve basically either been at work or asleep for the past week.

So last night, about 1:30 in the morning, I went to the hospital crapeteria to get something to eat.  (When you work overnights, 1:30am is afternoon.)

I ordered a veggie burger.  The woman working the grill has known me for like 7 years.  We usually get along great, but last night I was worn out and I could tell she was too.  She also knows I’m on Weight Watchers.

She didn’t want to make the veggie burger, because she doesn’t like the smell.  But she did it for me anyway.  Then I asked her to throw a few fries into the box.

Uh-oh.

In front of a dozen people she proclaims, “Girl, you’re on Weight Watchers.  You ain’t gettin’ any fries.”

Gulp.

I jokingly told her that I’m a grown woman and I decide what I eat.

She went a step further.

“I’m only cooking up one order of these fries for this other person, and you ain’t gettin’ any.”

Then I was pissed.

I looked around.  In my own mind, people were looking at me judgementally….thinking that I was stupid for not knowing that the very french fries I was demanding were what made me fat in the first place.

After a few more unnecessary comments from yours truly, I grabbed my veggie burger and stormed (and I do mean stormed) up to the cashier.

I practically threw my money at her.  (Another person I know well and consider to be a friend.  Apparently exhaustion can truly make a person insane.)

She asked what was wrong with me.

And without warning, I burst into hysterical tears like a 5 year old.

I cried.

And cried.

And cried some more.

Until I was sobbing.

I went back to the ER and sobbed for 20 minutes.

It was insane. I couldn’t stop.

People see me as tough.  I portray myself as such.  I don’t like to even show that something is bothering me, let alone have an emotional breakdown.  Because back in the day, I used to have frequent freak-outs at work when things were bad with my ex.

And now I have my shit together.

Well, mostly.

I sobbed until my face was swollen.  Granted, I was exhausted.  I worked 50 hours last week, and I’m coming up on 60 for this week.  I was hungry, tired, and irrational.

And I don’t know about you, but when I’m crying, and someone comforts me, I cry even more. 

I couldn’t get a grip.

Then I realized, the fat 15 year old inside of me had been unearthed by sheer exhaustion and some public humiliation.

Suddenly I was in high school again, and all of the skinny girls were “allowed” to have burgers and fries, and I was “supposed” to be eating cottage cheese and tomatoes.

And I just couldn’t shake it off.

I finally had to go outside to the ambulance bay to run around a little bit and get myself centered again.  And then I was fine.

I went back inside and apologized to the nurses who had been standing there as I cried.  (Er, I mean sobbed.  Okay, okay….I freaked a mean one…..)

Yes, I made a silly fool of myself.  No, I really didn’t need those fries.  Yes, the veggie burger was delicious.  And no, I didn’t take the grill lady’s phone call when she rang the ER to apologize because 3 people had ripped her a new one for her public admonition of my desire for french style grease sticks.

Long story short…..I survived.

But I realized something.

Regardless of how much weight I lose, how I feel, how I look, and how I perceive others are seeing and/or judging me, a part of me will always be that insecure 15 year old munching on crudites while my skinny friends are eating tubes of cookie dough.

And although her comments were totally inappropriate, she was right.  Initially, she was probably just joking, and because of insecurity and sarcasm, it just went downhill from there.  True, that wasn’t her decision to make, but that was crap food that I didn’t need. 

And in the words of the brilliant musician Charlie Peacock….

there’s no insult like the truth.

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Crappy is in the Eye of the Beholder Wednesday, Aug 5 2009

Open up any fashion magazine, and you’re bound to find a new diet.

The Soup Diet.

The Grapefruit Diet.

The Consume-Only-Men for 7 days Diet.  (Oh wait, I’m still writing that one.)

Much of my reading during the spring of this year led me to the conclusion that fish and greens were the best road to health and wellness.

So that’s what I ate.

Here is a day from my food journal in April:

2 poached eggs, 1 slice turkey bacon and coffee 8am 5 pts
Grilled Tilapia, Tortilla Soup and green salad with V&O 11am 8 pts
1 cup fresh fruit salad and string cheese 2pm 5 pts
Tomato and avocado salad, 3 oz tuna 5pm 8pts
1 apple, 2 tbsp peanut butter 8pm 6 pts

I ate like this for months.  And my weight stayed basically the same for months.

But……

….here is what I ate last Monday:  (8 days ago)

Cheese and Veggie Foccacia 9am 11 pts
Cottage cheese and fresh pineapple 1pm 4 pts
Nonfat Mocha 5pm 6 pts
1 small bag of Harvest Cheddar Sunchips and banana 8pm 6 pts
1 glass of red wine 4 pts

In my own mind, I consider this a crappy food day.  And why?  Because many of these foods are viewed as “naughty.”

But you know what I realized?

With a little tweaking, this is really how I should eat every single day.  If I added in some fresh veggies, and replaced the Nonfat Mocha with some protein, this is pretty darn good.

This menu is within my WW Points range.

These are all food items that I truly enjoy.

Now, get this irony:

When I force myself to eat grilled fish and steamed veggies, when I really want cheese/veggie pizza, my weight hovers around the same place for months.  Yet here lately, I have been eating the “naughty” stuff in moderation, and my weight is down.

Way down.

This morning I weighed in at 244.  12 pounds from my lowest weight as an adult.  Simply enjoying my food, taking it in moderation, and balancing all things has made this journey a much more pleasant one.

Could it be that I have found my Holy Grail?

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