Mama’s lil baby is all grown up. And by lil baby, I mean myself.
Yesterday I made an excellent choice for myself and my children, that was truly in the best interests of the three of us.
Saturday, during a phone conversation, I told Zoe and Zion’s dad that he could come over for Father’s Day. He does not see them often, and I always try extra hard to make holidays happy for everyone else, even if I am completely miserable.
But guess what happens?
I make everyone else miserable.
At the end of every holiday, the kids and I feel like we’ve been through the ringer. And that’s because of the treatment we receive from a man who does not appreciate what we do to accomodate him. Whether he’s showing up drunk on Christmas morning, or ditching the kids 10 minutes before Thanksgiving dinner, he loves leaving his tsunami-like stamp on a family occasion.
I honestly can’t tell you the last time we had a truly happy holiday.
Wait, yes I can. It was yesterday.
And that’s because we did not see him at all.
I took off the martyr hat and protected my baby chicks. And it was the best holiday I can remember in a long, long time.
He wanted to breeze in and out. I told him we were busy, and to call on Monday and he could see them then. I spent a wonderful day with the people I care about most in the world.
And on Monday, when my ex called….do you think he rushed over here to see his children?
He had things to do. Errands to run. And needed to go to the gym.
Fine with me, dude. Thanks for the confirmation that I made the right choice on Sunday.
This journey of wellness isn’t just about making the right food choices. It’s about loving ourselves. Inside and out. Choosing the early morning run instead of sleeping in. Shaving those legs instead of letting them go grizzly. Choosing water over Coke. Getting enough rest. And knowing our triggers.
What are your triggers?
Triggers are things that cause you pain, anguish, or stress, which in turn cause you to medicate.
My #1 trigger is my ex. When I’ve been around him, that icky feeling stays on me for a long, long time. I start feeling like I used to feel….angry, used, betrayed…..and then I want to eat because that’s the way I used to deal with the pain of being with him.
Instead, yesterday I chose the healthy choice for myself and everything else followed suit.
A day full of great people, family, friends, healthy food choices, a couple great games of tag, some firefly catching, and lingering hugs.
No animosity.
Or bitterness.
Or pain.
Just peace and quiet. And zero drama.
Happy Father’s Day, Mama.
June 23, 2009 at 11:03 am |
I had a similar holiday. I’ve had a rough relationship with my father for years. Although he was physically present, he was emotionally absent.
I decided it was time to attempt to mend the relationship with service.
Needless to say, as usual, he put something else first and missed the lunch that I had specially prepared for him.
Fortunately, my mother, brother, and I had planned to go on a Sunday drive to a local national park. We soaked up the natural beauty and did some light hiking.
Although the upset feelings lingered through Monday, I had the afternoon experience to keep me focused on what was right and good in the world. I didn’t binge like I normally would have.
I am feeling better today emotionally and physically (since I’m not bloated and blah).
I’m taking better care of my emotional self which helps me take better care of my physical self.
June 23, 2009 at 6:56 pm |
Woo-hoo! Good for you! AND for your kids!
June 23, 2009 at 6:59 pm |
Ang, I am glad you had a peaceful holiday, here’s to many more!!!!!
You don’t know how much your writing helps me, i just realized my ‘trigger’ i have been on a 3week eating binge like no other and can’t figure out why, now i know- control. (i am not in control of hubby’s immigration). now that i know better i will do better. thanks !!!
June 24, 2009 at 7:10 pm |
Wow, Hun…that made sense..also put alot of things in perspective for me. It also made me laugh my ass off…”Shaving those legs instead of letting them go grizzly” ha ha… you my dear made my day.
I’m proud of you too. Keep at it.
June 25, 2009 at 4:52 pm |
That is so awesome to read, I am glad that you took the day with the kids to celebrate a holiday that many of us do on a daily…. Showing your kids who loves them in such a sane and healthy way is what makes the world so great.. I honestly didnt do much on sunday for fathers day except go to the beach.. My pain is horid tho so I try not to revisit it too often… Mama Solis your doing a great job keep up the good work